Shame

I am a member of the United Methodist Church.  I am a member of a church that has in its doctrine a clause stating that the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching.  I am a member of a church with a rich tradition in social justice.  And some pretty major instances of egg on its face too.  There’s reasons the black church left to do its own thing.  I am a member of a church with inconsistent application of its own doctrinal regulations.  I am a member of a church with some of the most faithful, loving people I have ever met.

I am angry at my church.  Oh it’s been brewing for a while but I am angry at my church and I’m getting vocal about it.  I’ve tried it the nice Methodist way and I can’t sacrifice my authenticity any longer.  I promised myself two things when it came to my being a big ole homo Methodist:

1. That I would begin the process of candidacy for ordination.

2.  That I would not leave the church before General Conference in 2012.

That gives me some time to be an advocate in the best way I know how.  Not potlucks and measured discourse but holy, sanctified, righteous anger.  I will speak truth with love, because I love this church: I would not be hurt or angry if I didn’t love my church.  I want my church to measure up to its own stated intentions of inclusion, love, and justice.  But meanwhile, the fact is that my church is not stepping up.  My church is happy with committee meetings and potlucks.  My church is scared of splintering over the sexual orientation issue and in the meanwhile my church is colluding.  My church is driving away young people.  My church is not a safe space.  My church is participating in excluding people while other mainline protestant churches have become reconciling.  My church is acting out of fear and status quo.  I am not okay with that.  Individual congregations can be affirming and welcoming but as long as we are all part of a denomination (one of the few left) that systematically excludes lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender, and queer folks from positions of leadership we are participating, and contributing to, a culture of exclusion.  My church is being harmful because if even ONE person walks out thinking that being gay is inconsistent with God’s truth and God’s love, that is ONE person too many.

I am ashamed to say I am a Methodist.  I am ashamed of my church and I’m not going to hide that any longer.  If we say the structure is not supporting what we know to be God’s will for the church then overturn the structure, splinter, split off or otherwise grow a set and step up.  Lukewarm is not good enough for God and it’s not good enough for me.

I won’t give up on my church without a fight.  It’s time to start fighting.

My prayer for the United Methodist Church is that we have the courage to take a close look at what we are becoming, what we have been, what we are today and look to see how we are reflecting God’s love back into the world and that we act to bring God’s church back into alignment with God’s will for God’s precious and much loved children.

Amen